GOD, HELP ME SING

"Nothing gives more credence to the Christian faith than the willingness of its followers to endure mistreatment . . . "

Robert Jeffress
Twilight's Last Gleaming  p.198
Worthy Publishing   2016

Recently, 

I threw a partially read book away.

I set it out in the rain to make it unreadable by anyone else. I didn't want anyone else discouraged, or doubting.

I'd read about Christian persecution, but this topped them all. What kind of a God could allow this? Can I serve a God like that? I journaled. I prayed. I ached. What do I do with this? Torture is beyond my scope of understanding. I can't get past the pleasure someone receives from causing another unbearable pain.

Yet this morning, in a different book, I read the story of Soon Ok Lee, who was imprisoned with Christians, in Korea, for 5 years. She couldn't understand why they wouldn't just say, "I don't believe," and be free. Instead, she remembers hearing them sing as they were put to death.



"Eventually, Lee escaped from prison to South Korea, where she became a Christian. By her own testimony, it was the enduring faith of those persecuted believers that planted the seed of the gospel in her heart."  (Quoted from, Searching For Heaven On Earth, by David Jeremiah; p. 74-75)

My take-away?

If a young woman can come to faith because she heard believers singing while being put to a tortuous death, 

Can I sing?

 When my health takes a wrong turn? 

When my car breaks down?

 When a needed vacation falls through? 

When someone lies about me, or about someone I care about?

 Can I sing when . . . YOU fill in the blank.

Can I carry a deep enough hope and trust in Jesus that it actually shows to the people around me? 

God, even if I must start with tears, help me to sing. 

For You. For me. For others around me who need to see hope played out.

I don't understand God,

But I love Him,

Lonnie

REAL TIME--------HONEST

As noted in the title, this is real time--for the most part, unedited--to navigate through the Ford/Kavanaugh hearings.

I've been praying "for" Brett Kavanaugh, for his name to be cleared, for his position in the Supreme Court to be confirmed.

Yesterday, (day before hearings) my prayer changed. "God, Your will be done." I determined not to have a will of my own, but to trust God.

This morning, I sat before the TV, giving it my full attention. 

My prayers continue to change. I began praying for Christians.  I BEG that we behave as the Body of Christ. Conservatives/Republicans--not always the same, have criticized Democrats/Liberals for being poor losers. Whether we get our way or not, let us respond with humility; and with compassion. 

I want the truth whether it hurts or not. I think we all do, though I do believe we have all invested our hope in one side. I admit that I have.

I took a break to walk and pray. My prayers continue to change. 

God, I'm sorry. We are always looking for a savior. We are looking for a Christian President; we're looking for a conservative Supreme Court Judge. What pressure we have put on one man! God, we already have a Savior! One who can be trusted! Forgive us.

I'm sad that I had a doctor's appointment and missed Brett Kavanaugh's opening statement and then some--or am I sad/disappointed? I cannot believe the disrespect!

Ray taped the hearing.

I watched.

I'm grieved.  On a few levels.

That professional people can't behave with the dignity their office demands. That most that are listening there, and in my world, had their minds made up before one question was asked or one word uttered. I've lost track of the source, but I've read that it's better to be righteous than right. God, help me.

#Me too and I still believe Brett Kavanaugh. I may be wrong, and if it comes out that I am, I will be both surprised and grieved, again.

I determined to get out before work this morning and just be with God. I have little time left, so will continue my processing later.

I'll tell you that, anyone who has been raped, is triggered by these hearings--remembering things they wish they could forget, and wondering why they can't remember other things. I didn't tell anyone till Ray. I blamed myself. If you know me at all, you know it wasn't because I was flirty, drunk, or immodestly dressed. I "knew" him. I was stupid! (Or so I thought--it's hard to let go of.) I cannot remember his last name. Though I know he was shorter than me and had dark hair, I do not believe I would recognize him if I saw him on the street. But I can promise you, if I saw someone at the grocery store, after, who'd "been there" I wouldn't say hi. I'd, if my legs would hold me, turn and get out of there if I had to knock people over to do so. Different people, different reactions but . . . just sayin'.

It's been asked, "Can both believe they are telling the truth?  I can only hope.

It's distressing, now, to have people who supported the judge to change their minds. But I've tried wearing everyone's shoes. Felony? Do they go down and ruin their lives and freedom for a lie? I'm fairly confident that they feel threatened.

This morning I realize the issue--for me. There ought to be 2 hearings--one concerning the honesty of Brett Kavanaugh--one concerning the Democratic party. The mixture of these 2 issues is where the torment is. It's so obvious that the Dems are playing a game and they don't care that it's obvious, so long as it is effective. They are scared to death of a conservative judge on the Supreme Court. Know what? We are just as scared for the opposite outcome. It feels critical to us to have someone who will support our constitution as it was written, by God-fearing men; someone who will likely support our religious freedoms of which seem to be rapidly slipping away.

I cannot imagine the hell Brett has been through--whether or not he's telling the truth. If he has lied, what will that do to his marriage and what will he say to his children? What about friends? Most of us have the luxury of a limited audience to the sins and failures of our lives. I again blame the Democrats. This is timed. Sexual assault, drunk or not, is wrong, traumatic. Part of me says, hasn't he redeemed himself with inpeccable character since then? But . . . we can't redeem ourselves. 

That being said, I've heard our sin confessions should be as public as our sin was. If we've lied for example, (stealing, gossiping) to our friend, family, church body, or nation, our confession and seeking forgiveness should be equally narrow or broad. While character is absolutely important, this could have been handled differently! 

I sound as though I'm sure of the judge's guilt. It's looking pretty scary. I'm hoping that someone else is proven a bold-faced liar. (being honest) Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst is the only way I know to go forward. And for now, I recess . . .

Sunday

A friend suggested that I quit watching the news--quit letting it steal my joy. She's right, you know. But . . . 

I can't seem to help myself.

I listened to Breakpoint.org on Saturday and Chris Wallace on Fox 9, today. I appreciate Chris. He asks the tough questions---to BOTH sides.

Then I went to church.

I worshiped. 

The Almighty God!

He's got this!

He welcomes my prayers.

He doesn't need my help.

But

I'm having trouble waiting this out. And sometimes my anger makes me want to destroy the TV. If it were disappointment in someone I respected, I could grieve. But it's the game. 

TUESDAY

Depends who you listen to. It always does. 

I imagine how exhausted Judge K. was before this 2nd hearing ever started--grilled like he was already guilty of something--seemingly with great hopes that he was.

I find it so difficult to believe Dr. Ford. Some speakers believe her mention of hypocampus or other technical terms make her more credible. To me, less so; she knows, with her psychology speciality, how she has to act and what she has to say to be believable.

Then again, if Judge K. has misrepresented his character--

There's little to do but wait-----and pray. Again this morning, I told God, "Your will." God knows the big picture. My prayer then turns to this: salvation for all, the ability by all to see God's hand, that the Kavanaugh marriage won't be threatened but strengthened------that I will be who I should be in handling this national crisis.

And then, there's Indonesia. God, be the Almighty that you are. Send comforters and provision. May Your Hand be seen.



he's confirmed


Does that look like a whisper? It is. Anyone who would celebrate Brett Cavanaugh's victory is made to feel shame. Oh, I mean SHAME! 

We listened to the same hearings, but we are not allowed to come to our own conclusions. Instead, we're tagged as stupid at best, and uncaring at worst. 

#Metoo but I believe Judge Kavanaugh.

We've been made to feel shame for voting for Donald Trump. I get it. He certainly wasn't my first choice. But Hilary was my absolute last. I couldn't vote for socialism; it hasn't worked for others. Why would we be different? I couldn't vote for late term abortion--crushing a live baby's skull to kill him/her. In the womb, versus blugeoning outside the womb, doesn't make it less murder. I couldn't vote for Hilary's deceit and where it would lead. I love gay people--genuinely. There is so much more to them than their gender preference; but I can't support gay marriage. I cherish my religious freedoms. With Hilary, what is left would melt like a Hershey bar in 80 degree sun.

I knew, financially, voting for many of the Rebublican candidates would hurt me. But, I believe that direction is right. Not hand outs that get you stuck with no way out; not handouts that steal your dignity and incentive. Not handouts that hide our talents and gifts but, unfortunately, they do well at securing votes. 

Why am I REQUIRED to accept what and how liberals believe, but they can shout me, or anyone with similar beliefs, down with loud disrespect? ("because," I hear God whisper, "I hold you to a higher and holier standard."

Why in the world were protesters allowed to YELL in the senate chambers? 

Will this blog go public? I don't know. If it doesn't, it won't be for fear of shame. Well---yes, maybe I'll fear, but will muster up courage to stand up for what I believe in.  I'll pray--and hopefully obey God's direction.

By the way, facebook has been pretty tame from both sides of the aisle. Thank you.

NO EARRINGS--NOT DRESSED

Yesterday, while running errands, a good friend called. 

I scanned the grass making sure I wouldn't sit in goose poop, then settled down by the pond for special talk and prayer.

As I set the phone by my ear, I said, "Shoot! I'm not dressed. I don't have any earrings in."

I sent her this text this morning:

Went out "dressed" today--earrings in place.

However, I just looked in the mirror.

I had 2 DIFFERENT ones in."

I

I

II 

I

II

I

CULTURE

"Someone has said that there is no century more like the first century than the twenty-first century.

"Both are characterized by wholesale immorality and hostility toward Christianity.

YET

"Paul did not admonish the Christians in Philippi to straighten out their crooked culture. He did not call on them to instigate a rebellion against the Roman government.

Instead he reminded them that 

against the darkness of the world they were to be 'children of God . . . holding fast the word of life.'"

Robert Jeffress

Twilight's Last Gleaming  p.20

Worthy Publishing  2011/2016

God, 

When I think that I should change the world, remind me of this one simple truth:

I can't.

And that's okay, 'cause You've got this covered!

Help me be salt and light,

Lonnie

EARLY MORNING CRY

Sometimes I watch old TV while I put on my makeup. Well, this morning it wasn't working.

I caught the last 10 minutes of The Partridge Family. Keith was running for class president--so, a campaign episode no less. No wonder I was crying. 8-)

But seriously, what was I crying about?

The lesson. 

Not the lesson itself, but the fact that there was one! A lesson of etiquette, integrity, and good sportsmanship. Actually lessons for both child and parent:

A child shouldn't quit just because he isn't winning; and though a parent can offer some thoughts and guidance, the final decision must be left to the child. Right or wrong, he'll learn. Right?

Keith did the right thing. He did more than the right thing. It was so refreshing. It touched a tenderness in my heart.

My tears were grieving tears. Grieving that blood, guts, immorality, manipulation, and selfishness seem to have replaced values and character-building.

I know. I know. Fifties and sixties programs must seem pretty cheesy, but I, for one, am glad for reruns. 

I thought I was just watching TV . . .

What does TV teach us today?

Lonnie

ONE WAY?

"One of the biggest mistakes humans make is to believe there is only one way.

Actually, there are many diverse paths leading to what you call God."

Oprah Winfrey

Grace And Truth Paradox  p. 41

Randy Alcorn

Multnomah 2003

JESUS DISAGREES

"I am the truth, and the life;

No one comes to the Father but through Me."

John 14:6

WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE?

As for me -----no contest.

Lonnie

DO NOT FEAR

I've heard that the Bible tells us, 365 times, "Do not fear." One time for each day of the year.

It's preached as a command--as a should not. God DOES NOT WANT US TO FEAR.

And I absolutely believe that's true. 

But . . . as I pondered the Scripture, I didn't get the feeling He was saying there is nothing to fear. There's plenty to fear.

BUT

He's got it covered.



"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10  NKJV


Lonnie

OVERWEIGHT

"Growing up, my dad had been critical of my mother's weight, and he evidently didn't want my sister and me to look like her. One day my dad called us into the bathroom. He was standing by the scale . . . inviting us to step up."

Maria Goff

Love Lives Here   p. 21

Broadman &Holman  2017

"You look okay, now," my dad said when I asked for more mashed potatoes, "but too many more helpings of potatoes and . . ." I don't remember the end. I don't need to.

Lonnie

"By the time I was nineteen, Maria Goff continued, "I regularly took laxatives. My body quickly became addicted to these pills."

p. 22

My Story

I hesitate to share this, fearing to dishonor my dad; but I've come to realize, through some Twelve Step programs, that attitudes go back generations. Dad didn't come up with that thought process. He learned it from somewhere. But . . . I'm 20 pounds past his okay, so what do I do with that?

One summer, in my high school years, I was bedridden for 6 weeks with no energy and no appetite. I lost lots of weight and I was too excited. Mom seemed to be too; she paid to have my favorite clothes altered. 

I decided to continue the "no appetite" routine. Mom didn't let that happen. However, when I felt fat Mom, sometimes, gave me a diuretic. And, sometimes, I stole them.

When I left home, I began putting on weight. I, like Maria, started taking laxatives. They were chewable and I hated the taste--so I swallowed the squares whole.

Then, one night, someone totally unaware of my habit, told me of a friend addicted to laxatives. I could hardly believe it! Was that really possible? I stopped immediately . . . until, years later, when I was pregnant. The dr. complained about my weight gain (limited to 15 pounds) so the night before appointments, I took laxatives.

I managed to talk doctors into diuretics for a few years. I didn't take them everyday; only when I became overwhelmed with weight gain.

So-------why share this at all? Because, decades later, I still struggle. I don't wear shorts, no matter how hot. I don't wear swim suits. I miss out on some really fun activities. I guess I tell you, to show how we sometimes create or contribute to someone's struggle.

And-----because I believe God put people in my life to prevent full-blown anorexia or bulemia. 

And------for those who know someone with eating disorders, I ask that you pray with compassion; for them and for their family.

I share because it helps me immensely to read of someone else's struggles, whatever they are, when similar to my own. I, then, don't feel odd and alone; I want you to know that you aren't alone either.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made, (Psalm 139)

Someday, with God's further help, I will be victorious. Sometimes being honest is the first step.

Lonnie

REDUCED TO ASHES, BUT . . .

"God didn't burn our Lodge down to show us His power. He didn't need to. He had already wowed us with our family and friends a long time ago. What I think God does is allow each of us to go through difficult times to show us His presence through it."



Maria Goff
Love Lives Here   p. 19
Broadman & Holman   2017



A huge and beautiful get-away reduced to ashes!

It wasn't just a personal loss. Goff's shared this sanctuary with many others who needed to get away----far away: Canada. Rebuilding takes time.

Honestly, my first thought would have been, "What did I do wrong? Did I love the lodge too much, and God not enough? That's possible, but that's not the thought-route they took. I'm grateful for the Goff's insights; there are many, around this loss, to glean from their experience.

Their motto after the fire inspires me too:

"WE'RE SAD, BUT WE'RE NOT STUCK."

Celebrating His Compassion And Faithfulness,

Lonnie

DOUBTING GOD'S EXISTENCE?

"So many brothers and sisters have been killed already that it seems our little group has the only empty graveyard in Syria. As of this writing, none of us have died yet. We rejoice by greeting one another with the words , 'The graveyard is still empty!' We all know it will not stay empty, but meanwhile we're grateful.'"

Tom Doyle
Killing Christians  p. 41
Word Publishing   2015



Do you ever doubt the existence of Jesus or Heaven?

I do-- and it's not necessarily on bad days. Turning my eyes toward the beauty and intricacy of nature drowns my doubts. Only God could do that.

But, I have to tell you, the book "Killing Christians" will ever live in my heart as undeniable proof of God's existence and unfathomable love. 

Doyle documents the experiences of many Muslims, to whom Jesus has come, via dreams and visions. Muslims are so grateful that Heaven is no longer a fearful-maybe, but rather a sure and certain truth.

However, the consequence of their conversion to Christianity is as certain as their next breath: beatings, torture, death. 

Who would endure that for anything less than absolute truth?

Lonnie


"The Lord is not slow about His promise . . . but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance."

2 Peter 3:9 New American Standard Version